Falling in love with the right person at the wrong time.
The only thing that describes how falling in love with the right person feels it is home. Suddenly having that constant feeling of belonging somewhere and to someone, constantly having the feeling of having every thing in the world, constantly knowing you are happy and it is all because you feel at home wherever you are, as long as you are with that special someone. That is what love felt like when I was in love.
But then it started getting hard. Our schedules kept us apart, my school and job kept me away for days and phone conversations got shorter and less frequent, meeting in person became a once a week thing, date nights disappeared from our lives, we started driving each other insane. When he left for a vacation and we didn’t speak for a bit more than a week, it felt good. It felt like freedom. I realized then, that I felt trapped in a relationship I was not able to keep alive. I realized that the same relationship that used to be my source of energy was draining me and that I was being unfair to me, to us, and mostly to him.
So I broke it off and continued my life like nothing ever happened. But then the volleyball season was over and so were my job obligations, then the school ended and the second my schedule cleared enough for me to catch my breath I broke. I knew, he was my one in a million, I knew he was the one, I knew there will never be anyone else like him in my life, but I also knew I put him through too much already and I was not going to put him through it again so I never bothered telling him I still loved him, even if he said it to me every time we saw each other on the street.
I often think about us. About what would happen if instead choosing work over him, I chose the other way around. I think how happy we could have been, how our lives would be different, but then I remember that he moved on and is happier than ever. I remember the time I saw them on the street and he looked at me with a huge amount of love in his eyes, but a love different from the one we felt before. I remember I knew then that it was as real for him as it was for me, that we were each other’s right person, but it was just the wrong time and now it is too late. He is in love with someone else, they are happy and so am I. I am happy for them. And I will eventually find someone I feel at home with too, I will be okay.
The only thing that describes how falling in love with the right person feels it is home. Suddenly having that constant feeling of belonging somewhere and to someone, constantly having the feeling of having every thing in the world, constantly knowing you are happy and it is all because you feel at home wherever you are, as long as you are with that special someone. That is what love felt like when I was in love.
But then it started getting hard. Our schedules kept us apart, my school and job kept me away for days and phone conversations got shorter and less frequent, meeting in person became a once a week thing, date nights disappeared from our lives, we started driving each other insane. When he left for a vacation and we didn’t speak for a bit more than a week, it felt good. It felt like freedom. I realized then, that I felt trapped in a relationship I was not able to keep alive. I realized that the same relationship that used to be my source of energy was draining me and that I was being unfair to me, to us, and mostly to him.
So I broke it off and continued my life like nothing ever happened. But then the volleyball season was over and so were my job obligations, then the school ended and the second my schedule cleared enough for me to catch my breath I broke. I knew, he was my one in a million, I knew he was the one, I knew there will never be anyone else like him in my life, but I also knew I put him through too much already and I was not going to put him through it again so I never bothered telling him I still loved him, even if he said it to me every time we saw each other on the street.
I often think about us. About what would happen if instead choosing work over him, I chose the other way around. I think how happy we could have been, how our lives would be different, but then I remember that he moved on and is happier than ever. I remember the time I saw them on the street and he looked at me with a huge amount of love in his eyes, but a love different from the one we felt before. I remember I knew then that it was as real for him as it was for me, that we were each other’s right person, but it was just the wrong time and now it is too late. He is in love with someone else, they are happy and so am I. I am happy for them. And I will eventually find someone I feel at home with too, I will be okay.
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